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Listing most of the reasons why I feel The Recruit to be just mediocre fare might employ spoilers, so some gripes I have will have to be left unsaid. Of course, the two stars of the film might lend people to think that this is a film worthy of one of the hottest stars working today and one of the great actors of all time. I suppose that

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The Cookout (2004) / Comedy

MPAA Rated: PG-13 for drug content, sexual references and language Running Time: 97 min. Cast: Quran Pender (Storm P), Jenifer Lewis, Meagan Good, Frankie Faison, Ja Rule, Queen Latifah, Jonathan Silverman, Rita Owens, Tim Meadows, Danny Glover, Eve, Denee Busby, Ruperto Vanderpool, Farrah Fawcett, Jamal Mixon, Jerod Mixon, Reg E. Cathey, Gerry Bamman, Carl Wright, Vincent Pastore Director: Lance Rivera Screenplay: Laurie B. Turner, Ramsey Gbelawoe, Jeffrey Brian Holmes

With a premise that would probably have worked better on a TV sitcom than as a major motion picture, The Cookout is a well-intentioned attempt to make a heartfelt family comedy showcasing the rich variety of African-American archetypes.  Sadly, these archetypes end up depicted more as stereotypes, as there isn’t a single character that remotely approaches multi-faceted, each written to offer their one or two moments of humor and nothing else.  Take the character of Grandpa, for instance.  The man carries and swings around a baseball bat, and won’t give it up, no matter how many people try to take it from him.  In every scene, someone tries to take it, and he adamantly refuses.  Why is this funny?  Beats me.  Why is he even in the movie?  You got me there, too.  But then, he is only one of many characters I can’t make heads or tails of, either for their comedic merits or importance to the overall story, in this extremely unfocused and amateurish effort that barely gets by on general affability.

The plot, if you can claim this has one, is thinner than the paper it was written on.  Basketball player Todd Anderson (Pender)) becomes the #1 draft choice, signing to a team and earning a $30 million contract.  To celebrate, the family decides to throw their customary family cookout.  Meanwhile, Todd has been spent a great deal of money on a new house, clothes, and bling bling for his entire family, and his gold digging girlfriend (Meagan Good, Deliver Us from Eva), so his agent (Silverman) promises to try to land him an endorsement deal to help cover the finances.  Wouldn’t you know it, a representative from a large cell phone provider is on her way on the very same day that Todd’s large, loud and embarrassingly eccentric family is having their cookout.

The plot above might have worked if first-time director Lance Rivera could have spent more time trying to solidify the plot, and less time letting this cast of actors run rampant on the story.  Everything is played in over-the-top fashion, as if the funny quotient were directly correlated with how loud or silly one says each line.  The only thing even resembling a plot, the representative coming to potentially sign Todd to the endorsement deal, is completely ignored throughout 90% of the film, leaving the film without a discernable build-up or climax.  With three people coming up with the idea for the story (including co-star Queen Latifah (Barbershop 2), and three other screenwriters actually penning the script, you’d think multiple plot developments and well-rounded characters would be guaranteed.  However, not a single one of them, the director or any of the writers, has any prior experience, leaving the character actors with little but to ham up each scene as much as possible to try to give us some indication that things are going on, and that what is going on is supposed to be funny.

Long before the end of the film, you come to the realization that, unlike the similar ensemble-driven comedy, Barbershop, this movie has no real inspiration involved in its conception, and the creators didn’t know where to go with it.  Despite the title, the film isn’t even about the cookout, not really appearing until later in the film, and when it does, not much is done with it.  The only idea kicked around was to try to stuff as many wildly stereotypical characters into the movie as possible in the hopes that their interaction would generate some easy laughs.  To say this idea never bore fruit would be an understatement.  Without enough gas to light the grill, this is an ill-prepared and undercooked concept film that will only leave you hungrier for entertainment than you were going in.
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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Second in Command Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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The technical qualities are straight out of a cheese factory.   Why on earth would they not add more emphasis to the special effects during action sequences.  During the first bad guy encounter Van Dam conveys through body  language his dislike for the scene…and without any special effects to support it the scene amounts to a sloppy practice run.     Everything in this movie conveyed “Low Budget”.   The film editing is almost as bad as the movie speed 2 where a lot of garbage is left with choppy awkward shuffling.   Depressed people with close access to loaded guns should not see this movie for fear of encouraging an urge for suicide tendency.   Bottom line; this movie is a real bummer.

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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Flushed Away Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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Flushed Away is the first fully computer animated feature from Aardman Animation (Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Chicken Run), and while it’s disappointing to see them turn away from stop-motion animation (at least for this release), the good news is that it still matches the quality of its predecessors in good humor, fun characterizations, and a good deal of infectious energy.  The premise is that a pet mouse named Roddy (Jackman, The Prestige) gets flushed down the toilet, going from his pampered life into the danger-filled sewers of London.  His mission is to get back up to the world on top, but first he must help his newfound friend, Rita (Winslet, Finding Neverland), in her quest to escape the clutches of the malevolent Toad (McKellen, X-Men: The Last Stand), who wants to obtain the ruby she has stolen back from his possession, which he wants for his own evil plans to destroy the mouse horde living in the city of the sewers.

Depite the flood of computer animated features that have dominated the animated family film market in recent years, especially in the last year alone, Flushed Away manages to rise to the top of the heap thanks to some very fluid animation, good writing, and direction that manages to keep the tone of the droll humor and fast-moving action throughout.  At only 84 minutes, it never bogs down with needless seriousness or scenes of emotional schmaltz, always seeking to keep audiences smiling with sight gags, allusions that are actually clever, and choice bits of music that accentuates the action instead of just being shoehorned in to hock soundtracks.  If there is a downside, it’s the plot itself, which is simple and relatively uncompelling, but does anyone see an animated film for the intricate plot?

I’ll admit, after seeing so many of these kinds of features saturating multiplexes lately, there is a tedium factor involved in seeing another one, but I have to give Flushed Away the credit it deserves.  It’s one of the best examples of the burgeoning genre, although still quite formulaic in approach, but it does actually entertain all age demographics in equal measure, instead of just pandering to the very young.  With excellent production values, quality voice work, and a healthy dose of imagination, Flushed Away proves itself to be something not easily disposable in the world of
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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Skeleton Key, The Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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The Skeleton Key (2005) / Horror-Thriller

MPAA Rated: PG-13 for violence, disturbing images, language and some partial nudity Running Time: 104 min. Cast: Kate Hudson, Gena Rowlands, Peter Sarsgaard, John Hurt, Joy Bryant Director: Iain Softley Screenplay: Ehren Kruger

Ehren Kruger, the screenwriter that adapted The Ring and The Ring Two to Hollywood-loving audiences, now gives us more spooky chills in The Skeleton Key, with a similarly slow descent into some disturbing concepts, and some more nifty twists tossed in as the film nears its climax.  Also similar to those previous efforts, the mechanics of the gimmicky story rule above all else, as the entire plot hinges on whether or not we find the concepts interesting enough to merit the slow and intentionally confusing build-up.  My rule of thumb for reviewing these sorts of movies is to ask a basic question: if you were privy to knowing exactly what is going on from the outset, instead of the revelation coming at the end, would the movie still work well enough as a piece of entertainment to justify watching?  Unfortunately, as much as I found the ending intriguing, it doesn’t really merit sitting through the slow ninety minutes that come before it.  It’s another case of a story that should have been a 30 minute episode of "Tales from the Darkside", which would have saved us an hour of our lives and the cost of admission.

Sick of her hospice job where she watched old people die without any loved ones to care for them, twenty-five year old Caroline Ellis (Hudson, Le Divorce) accepts a position as a caregiver in an old mansion just outside of New Orleans.  The man she is to look after is Ben Devereaux (Hurt, Hellboy) a wheelchair ridden and mostly zoned-out man that is reported to have only six months left to live.  Ben’s wife, Violet (Rowlands, The Notebook) , isn’t all that eager for Caroline’s assistance, but all of the other women have left the job rather quickly, and as Ben descends into his illness, she realizes getting some help is crucial.  One of the first items Caroline is given is a skeleton key to open all the doors of the house, except that Caroline soon finds a door that the key doesn’t open — a mysterious door in the attic that Violet claims has never been opened in her 40+ years of residence there.  Curiosity gets the better of Caroline, who has been seeing strange images, mysterious behavior from the couple, and all the mirrors suspiciously removed from the house.  Caroline is convinced that the solution to all of these mysteries lies behind what is beyond the door in the attic.

The Skeleton Key isn’t horrible, and in fact, it does have its moments of interest, but it still falls short of the mark due to seeming all too familiar in its approach to slow horror filmmaking.  Director Softley (K-PAX, Hackers) does imbue his film with a dark, haunting look, but from the moment you first see the characters, it is easy to spot who the villains and victims will be.  The only questions left will be how and why, and while the ultimate payoff does make for a decent final few moments, there is still one very big flaw in the story to have to overlook for this all to work — only a truly stupid and tenaciously curious person would ever do the unbelievably dumb things that Caroline does in the pursuit of solutions to the house’s strange behavior.  Almost every scene starts with the premise that she must act in ways no one would ever dare act, while the silliness factor gets elevated to an inordinately high amount for a thriller with only modest scope.

In spite of all of the nonsense, The Skeleton Key does maintain a certain interest level that will at least keep you from falling asleep, and if only the characters and situations didn’t seem cooked up out of someone’s overambitious imagination, the makings were were to be a nicely effective modern day thriller.  Sadly, the thrills are minimal, the shocks quite standard, and all that’s left is an attempt to turn the tables on characters we’ve given up caring about long before the halfway point.  Viewers that like artificial thrillers designed to throw you for a loop will like this more than others, but anyone looking for a real story with real characters may find The Skeleton Key to be a barebones experience.
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Up in Smoke (1978) / Comedy

MPAA Rated: R for pervasive drug use, language, sexuality and brief nudity Running Time: 85 min. Cast: Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, Stacy Keach, Zane Busby, Tom Skerritt, Mills Watson, Karl Johnson, Rick Beckner, Ann Wharton Director: Lou Adler Screenplay: Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong

While I’d be the last person to ever recommend a film just because it depicted drugs as fun times, funny is funny, no matter what the perspective.  Up In Smoke is the first and best of the Cheech & Chong movies, brilliantly transforming some of the best skits the subversive comedy duo had performed on album over the previous decade and injected into a major motion picture.  Although there was more to their comedy than just drugs, the movie would become legendary, making them synonymous with pot humor from then on.  Needless to say, they had the market pretty much cornered, becoming favorites of potheads and non-potheads alike, and together, the two stoners would craft one of the most laugh-out-loud funny films of the late 1970s.

Pedro De Pacas (Cheech Marin, Once Upon a Time in Mexico) pick up a hitchhiker (Tommy Chong, The Wash) one day, who happens to be the drummer he might be looking for to be in his band.  The two share more than music as a passion — they are both raging potheads who live to get high.  On their tail is Sgt. Stedenko (Stacy Keach, Brewster McCloud), an overly zealous narcotics officer who will do just about anything to take down drug offenders.  Meanwhile, the newly formed stoner friends embark on a series of misadventures, which sees them in Mexico and in a punk rock battle of the bands, among other things.

Be prepared for lowbrow humor and nonstop drug references, as Up in Smoke plays everything to the hilt in questionable taste.  As long as you’re tuned into it, this is surprisingly smart and incisive in its insights, with some very quotable lines and memorable scenes throughout.  Cheech and Chong have terrific chemistry, always staying within character, and riffing perfectly off each other without ever seeming too dumb or going for obvious gags.  Stacy Keach plays hothead Stedenko perfectly, and though he had played mostly dramatic roles in the past, he shows here that he is quite funny in his own right. 

Needless to say, this is definitely not a film for everyone.  Those who don’t enjoy pot humor or comedies which revolve around some dimwitted characters will probably not find much here to keep their interest.  However, taken on its own terms, it works quite well, and at 85 minutes, it doesn’t outstay its welcome.  The first half is a bit funnier than the last, but the comedic momentum never really comes to a halt.  Sadly, Cheech & Chong would end up using their best material for this movie, and subsequent films would only offer second and third-rate regurgitations, while also injecting even more sex, drugs and tacky humor. 

Up in Smoke is the quintessential stoner comedy.  Hardly a plot, barely cohesive, and will have you laughing despite yourself — it’s just like any movie about the pot experience should be like.
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"Mindless splatterthon." (Pretty Bad)

You have to feel sorry for Roger Avary.He started out as a clerk at the now-famous Video Archives in California, working with (and befriending) the now-famous Quentin Tarantino. The two film geeks talked movies and watched cheesy videos until dawn. And when they weren’t renting or arguing about movies, they wrote their own: Avary, it’s been reported, made uncredited contributions to Tarantino’s scripts for Reservoir Dogs, True Romance, and Natural Born Killers, and he has a co-story credit on Pulp Fiction. This has undeniably been the year of Quentin; roughly 5,000 magazine articles have made the same points about how omnivorously film-literate Tarantino is, how fond he is of movie board games, ad nauseum. Quentinmania has eclipsed Avary’s directorial debut, Killing Zoe, which has been noticed, if at all, in terms of its being "a movie by Quentin’s pal." (Tarantino served as an executive producer on the film.) Avary must fear that no matter what he does, he’ll forever work under Quentin’s long, lanky shadow. Well, if he goes on making stupidly violent clinkers like Killing Zoe, he’ll deserve no better fate. Let me be clear: I am not slamming this Roger Avary film for not being a Quentin Tarantino film. I am slamming it for not being a good Roger Avary film. Killing Zoe has some tense, funny moments, but overall this is — sorry — the sort of nihilistic bloodfest Tarantino satirizes so suavely. Sitting through the moribund Boxing Helena (another bad gerund film!), the directorial debut of Jennifer Chambers Lynch, I asked myself whether I was being unfair to her by holding her movie to the high standards set by her father, David. But then I thought: Nah, the movie sucks by any standard. Same with Killing Zoe. The characters have no intrinsic interest, no life, nothing to set them apart except a few clumsy pop-culture references. The plot — a pack of internationally mixed thieves pull a bank heist — is just a gory hipster rewrite of Dog Day Afternoon (whatever can go wrong does); it’s Reservoir Dog Day Afternoon. The star, Eric Stoltz (as a jaded safecracker), should really come up with a new look; he’s had the same grunge-Christ hairdo and goatee for several movies now. And he’s been giving pretty much the same nasal, neurotic performance, making me forget how appealing he was in The Waterdance and Mask and (I’m not kidding) The Fly II. Stoltz is Zed (wasn’t that the name of one of the hillbilly rapists in Pulp Fiction? Where’s Maynard?), a slacker who lived in Paris as a child. His boyhood pal Eric (Jean-Hugues Anglade) has been planning a bank heist, and he wants Zed in on it. The night before the heist, Eric and his cretinous buddies treat Zed to a heroin-fueled paint-Paris-red session. Then the heavily armed thieves descend on the bank, and it’s Roger Avary’s turn to paint Paris, or at least every available surface, blood-red. Killing Zoe is big on giggly sadism disguised as a moralistic comment on amorality; it’s everything Reservoir Dogs was unfairly accused of being. We’re meant to experience the violence through Zed’s dazed, passive eyes, but since we feel superior to Zed early on — we judge him by the idiotic company he keeps — the movie’s viewpoint is thrown out of whack. The movie is also, not coincidentally, boring. Killing Zoe grinds forward to its predetermined splattery conclusion. We don’t care about anyone in the movie, not even the titular Zoe (Julie Delpy), a student/prostitute who services Zed in the first reel and then, improbably, turns up later as a teller in the bank. (I’m always bumping into students/prostitutes/bank tellers.) I trust I will ruin nobody’s experience of the film by revealing that Zoe is not killed. Just about everyone else is, though. The title isn’t just misleading, it’s dumb: It looks as if the title was originally Killing Zone and someone left off the ‘n’. (The meaning of Zoe as a name is "life," so, like, the movie is about killing life, y’know? Heavy, man. Very French.) Is there nothing enjoyable in this ugly, scattershot movie? Jean-Hugues Anglade puts a mean, witty spin on his lines, but in no time flat I got sick of looking at him and his gang of scuzzy bohemians. Avary stages a long, woozy Paris-nightlife sequence, with Zed reacting badly to various drugs (it’s like an outtake from Sprockets), and you can’t tell what Avary is doing; on some level, he seems to appreciate these drugged-out jerks. They do come to a bad end, but it’s a movie-ish bad end, a Pacino-Scarface bad end — a blaze-of-glory bad end, in which Eric, the lead sociopath, takes dozens of explosive bullet hits and then slithers to the floor in romantic slow-mo. Killing Zoe is a pointless, derivative exercise in mayhem for its own sake.I have a friend who hates movie violence, who told me, shuddering, that an old boyfriend of hers had raved about ‘Reservoir Dogs.’ Based on his description of it, she’s immovably convinced (without having seen it) of its thuggish, unredeemed brutality. And what I wonder now is whether her ex was actually talking about ‘Killing Zoe.’
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Red Planet **1/2 (out of 5) (2000)

Cast: Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore, Carrie-Anne Moss, Benjamin Bratt, Terence Stamp

Directed by Antony Hoffman

RED PLANET is the fourth attempt in the last year to try to make the same storyline work and come up short. SUPERNOVA, PITCH BLACK and MISSION TO MARS all dealt with an Earth-mission to another planet, only to have complications arise, mostly in the form of hysteria and other-wordly presence that causes everything to be botched up somehow. RED PLANET takes place in the future, in a time when all life on Earth is on the verge of extinction. Attempts have been made to produce a breathable environment on Mars with the help of oxygen-producing algae, and a crew of Americans is sent to the red planet to see how things are going. A solar flare causes a quick evacuation of their main ship and when the colony is found to have been destroyed, they begin to see hopes fade in the last hours of their lives.

Like the three films preceding RED PLANET, this is a feast for the eyes, with beautiful use of special effects and locales. However, just like the real Mars, there isn’t a breath of fresh air to be had in a film that has no moment of surprise. It’s a paint-by-numbers sci-fi actioner that never strays from it’s course, with almost every conflict telegraphed beforehand with it’s conclusion evident to all who are paying attention. Attempts are made to add humor and levity to the tedious storyline, but this is the wrong cast for off-the-cuff witticisms to work. The film also has it’s share of hollow philosophizing, which almost undid the other Mars outing, MISSION TO MARS, but thankfully doesn’t take it to the level of preachiness. Antony Hoffman directs for the first time, and while not doing a bad job, he does nothing much to help either. The main failing of RED PLANET comes from a lack of freshness in the writing department, headed by Chuck Pfarrer, who gave us other terrible and derivaive films like VIRUS, THE JACKAL, and BARB WIRE. Of the four films mentioned previously, RED PLANET isn’t the worst, but it is perhaps the least interesting. At least the other films tried to be something better than mediocre, even if they never succeeded. RED PLANET just proves that if at first you don’t succeed, maybe you should give up because it wasn’t a very good idea to begin with.

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